Between ages 8 - 11, I was sexually abused 3 times which led to contracting a curable STD that blocked both of my tubes and caused me to be diagnosed infertile and told I would NEVER have children on my own. I could not tell my mother (at the time) because of the threats on my life and her life if I spoke a word, so I suffered in silence.

But GOD - healed me mentally, emotionally, walked me through forgiveness, removed bitterness, & fear, taught me to love myself, assured me it wasn't my fault; and then 5 years after marriage GOD miraculously and supernaturally touched my body, astounded the doctors and the world by allowing me to birth this miracle child.

Glory to God for the things He's done in my life! He's a Redeemer! He's a Healer! He's a Protector! He Is my everything!!!

In my 20's, I spent a lot of time in the nightclubs. Once I met a man, exchanged phone numbers, and after talking a time or two, we decided to go on a date. When he picked me up, he said he needed to make a stop first. At the stop, he told me to get out, I said naw, I'll just wait. He got forceful, made me get out the car. We entered this apartment and there were about 15 other guys inside all ready to gang rape me.

I stood there afraid, but I was praying and plotting an escape. As they were discussing their plan (who would go first, second, and so on), one of the guys stood up and yelled "Y'all this ain't right, we can't do this man; not her, she ain't the one, this ain't right!" After a few minutes of arguing the guy headed to the door to leave and he said come on, let's get out of here. I wasn't sure exactly what to do, but I figured I may have had a better chance of living outside the door than inside. I exited and thanked him then proceeded to walk home (it was going to be a very long walk). He drove slowly next to me begging me to get in so he could drive me home. I was afraid my life was ending this night - if I walked, I stood of chance of getting hurt, if I went back to the apartment, I stood the chance of getting hurt, or if I got in the car, I stood the chance of getting hurt, I was terrified. Finally, I got in and he did just what he said, he took me home, never asked my name, never spoke a word, just listened to directions and drove. Once I got out the car, he let down his window and spoke: "Don't be dating dudes you meet in the club, most of'em only want one thing and they'll do anything to get it." And he drove off!

I'm so blessed that God spared my life YET AGAIN and this time from a horrible decision I made. I was terrified out of my mind - the entire situation caused an instant change in me. That night I determined I would NEVER return to a club. I determined I would NEVER be without my own transportation. I determined I would NEVER date anyone in the evening (all my dates would be from 12pm to 6pm). I determined NO ONE would ever drive me again. I determined no one would ever pay for anything for me on a date - I always went "dutch". I'm not sure who the young man was, but I'm so grateful that God had a "RAM IN THE BUSH" who was not afraid to stand up for what was right. 

Like many young ladies, I had a huge infatuation with the "bad boys" type. My mother constantly warned me about one in particular, but I didn't listen. I was very intrigued and dated him until I learned he had a "main girl" and I was his side chick.

I decided to end the "relationship" and he went ballistic. He told me he wanted to talk to me and asked me to sit in his car, not thinking, I did. He drove off and told me I would never see my family again. He made a stop and I broke for it - to get help. A man driving by seen it, stopped and came to my rescue. I called my job and spoke to a friend and she came in minutes to get me. People witnessing the struggle between us called the police and they showed up. The next day, he came to the college I was attending and put a note on my car that threatened my life. The college president called the police and they took the report, and told me to file a restraining order. This same day, he sent a letter to my mom threatening my life. Later this evening, I decided to take a walk to clear my mind. When I exited my house, he was sitting outside my home with gun pointed at the house. I stood there frozen thinking any way I move, I'm dead. I'm standing there praying, God don't let this happen, please! After he said a few words, he attempted to fire the gun but it would go off. He tried a couple of times but nothing, then he drove off and never returned. I never heard from him again!

God favor's me. I know I don't deserve all His goodness, and He has cared for me even in decisions I made. I am truly grateful for life and these are some of the reasons you see me joyful and passionate about God. I know Him to be Life Giver, Life Saver, and so much more! 

Peer pressure was another enemy I faced numerous times. I just wanted to "fit in", I just wanted to be with the "popular" groups, I only wanted to "be liked" and "have friends". To "fit in" I did some ungodly things and fell into some horrible habits, like drinking alcohol. What started out as social turned into a comforter for me. I initially drank because those in the clubs were drinking; friends I hung with were drinking; I mean drinking alcohol was the thing to do then. But after awhile I sought alcohol for bad days, when people made me mad, to look cool, to tolerate men, to relax, to fornicate, and to feel free enough to party and act a fool. This led to me waking up in unknown places, always having headaches. It even allowed me to hear people conversations about me and understand how they really felt about me. Worse, it led to health issues. At age 22, during a routine check up, the doctor didn't allow me to leave, he sent me to the hospital because my blood pressure was exceedingly high. During the stay, my liver and kidney functions were not looking good. The doctor pointed out the life changes I would need to make and he sat on the bed and told me "don't drink alcohol, you can live a long fun life without it, I want to see you live long, don't drink alcohol, if people don't like you because you won't drink, they are not your friends." I listened to him and asked God to remove the taste from mouth. Friendships did change and I found myself very lonely for few years, but my health improved (kidney and liver functions returned to normal 🙌) and during the time of "few friends" I entered into a closeness with God that is still untouchable. My spiritual gifts were sharpened during this time and I learned that God wanted to use me for His glory. I learned how to hear His voice, I became His daughter and His friend.

After a while, I began to cry out for natural friends and I said to God, "God, I just don't fit in anywhere," and His response to me was, "I know Daughter, it's because I created you to stand out!" I finally understood why I couldn't do what everyone else was doing and I was finally OK not fitting in. 

In the midst of everything I was encountering, I remained heavily and actively involved in church. I always attended Sunday School, regular service, Bible Study, was part of the youth activities, you name it, I was involved at church (conferences, fellowships, associations, etc). Around age 26, I entered into a "relationship" with a local pastor. From the beginning it was horrible, but I thought it would be OK because it was "prophesied" that my husband would be a man of God and I assumed this was the "one" who found me. The emotional distress in the "relationship" was too much for me to handle. I sought professional counseling to help me sort through some things mentally. Shortly after counseling, it was revealed to me that the reason I couldn't be seen with him in public was because he was dating "several" different women. I decided, nope, I will not be a number other than #1 and I attempted to break it off. The day I went to discuss this with him, he grabbed me by throat and threw me up against the wall and choked me to the point that was starting to pass out. As my body was going limp, he dropped me to the floor then told me to get out of his house. The medical examination at the hospital revealed that my trachea was bruised and my esophagus was swollen pretty bad.

This incident caused me to be angry with God. I could not understand why and how someone in this "position" with this "title" doing this "work" (ministry/preaching) could ever do such a thing and still be able to continue on in this field. I cried out to God and demanded that He speak to me, I told God, if I didn't hear from him "that day" I was walking away from my faith, from Him, church, everything. This same morning, I ended up visiting a church I didn't know and as the pastor entered the pulpit, he looked in my direction and said, "Sister in the orange, stand up", then he walked to where I was sitting, stood in front of me and said, "Don't you give up your walk with God! What just happened to you was not of God, the person that just hurt you has to answer to God, don't you walk away from God, He loves you and He is going to take care of this situation for you!" I cried the ugliest cry ever, but I knew God heard me and He proved yet again that He is always with me. This situation taught me to never put a person with any title on any pedestal, and it taught me that people preaching His word are still human capable of error, subjected to evil, they are not above reproach, and they are in need of prayer daily like the rest of us. I learned to listen to the message to determine if its God's word or man's doctrine. I learned that the people delivering God's word are only messengers and I should not get caught up on them, their style, their performance, their delivery, their sound, or their looks - my focus is on the message not the messenger. I learned to honor the chosen vessel but not idolize them!